The Fragility of Want

What is it that carries you?

I just started walking mornings. The plan is that I will walk 5K, four mornings per week – today was my second time; that’s pretty good for me. I don’t want to walk mornings. I’d rather sit and have a cup of tea, however, I am passionate about staying healthy to prevent injury and to ensure I can perform to the standard I desire.

Want is a fragile thing. There are many (many) things I do not want to do but because of my passion for them I choose to anyway.

I am originally from a small island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean called Bermuda (Yes, like the Bermuda triangle).

The sun shines there.

At its widest point it is only one mile wide – so the ocean is always in view; glistening shades of blue and green rippling as far as the eye can see. The population is about 62,000 people from a wide diversity of backgrounds.

It’s wonderful there – it’s my home.

I did not want to leave Bermuda, however,

I am passionate about a career in the arts so I moved anyway.

I do not want to write my university assignment (that’s why I’m writing this instead) but I am so passionate about my degree in English Literature and Creative Writing (one more year!).

I do not want to go to all the boring places my three-year-old guides me around my house; but I am intent on him understanding he is valued and loved by me.

I do not want to meet new people – it’s uncomfortable for me, however,

I am passionate about making connections with incredible artists that stir and excite me.

My writing process begins in my mind long before I ever write anything on a page. I begin with a concept, and slowly build onto that concept until there is a full text laid out in my mind. Then (still in my mind) I begin the editing process – each time I access this text I switch out one word for another, I shift paragraphs around, and I alter punctuation to ensure that when it’s time for my words to leave my mind and hit the page, they are formed. This is my process – it’s important to me.

So, no, I do not want to move my writing process from my mind to the page to co-write a script with another artist. However,

I am intensely passionate about collaboratively creating a script that is a combination of my words and theirs.

Over the past six months or so I have been considering, and discussing, the fragility of want.

Whenever I’m asked, ‘What do you want?’, I struggle to respond. While want matters, it doesn’t matter most to me. If I only did what I wanted I’d probably sit in bed all day watching movies with a budget and buttered popcorn.

I do not make choices based on what I want to do, I make them based on what I am passionate about.

Passion is clear for me. Desire is solid.

To build upon want will only leave your foundation to crumble when the load gets too heavy.

As I am approaching the end of my BA degree I am frequently thinking about my next steps. I desire to pursue a Master’s degree but for about two weeks I was considering getting another BA degree to study economics. I am very interested in economics and I want to learn more but what changed my mind was that I realized I wasn’t passionate about it.

I knew that in all of those (many) moments when I do not want to read chapters, study, or write assignments, passion would not be there to carry me;

the thin foundation of want would have crumbled and I would not have lasted.

What does this mean for my practice? My career? The big choices I make in life? It means I do not build on want; I do not consider want in my choices.

What I build on is passion – and I am very passionate.

So, when I do not want to spend entire days replying to emails, hours meeting with people on Zoom, months writing funding applications and organizing projects, or squeezing every last penny out of a budget (I’m actually passionate about budgeting but you get it) –

when the haze covers me and I struggle through my lack of want, I hold tightly to passion and desire.

I’m passionate about seeing a greater diversity of people engaging in the arts as audiences, participants, and artists.

I am passionate about creating works that ask people to consider their place in the world, their value, and the value of others.

I am passionate about being challenged and engaged as I work.

I am passionate about reaching out to and connecting with a wide range of artists; and I am passionate about providing a space for marginalized artists to be seen and heard.

What is it that carries you?

Want is a fragile thing. There are many (many) things I do not want to do but because of my passion for them I choose to anyway.

I am passionate about a career in the arts so I moved anyway.

I am passionate about making connections with incredible artists that stir and excite me.

I am intensely passionate about collaboratively creating a script that is a combination of my words and theirs.

Passion is clear for me. Desire is solid.

To build upon want will only leave your foundation to crumble when the load gets too heavy.

What I build on is passion – and I am very passionate.

when the haze covers me and I struggle through my lack of want, I hold tightly to passion and desire.

I’m passionate about seeing a greater diversity of people engaging in the arts as audiences, participants, and artists.

I am passionate about creating works that ask people to consider their place in the world, their value, and the value of others.

I am passionate about being challenged and engaged as I work.

I am passionate about reaching out to and connecting with a wide range of artists; and I am passionate about providing a space for marginalized artists to be seen and heard.

I am passionate about art.

And that passion is what carries me.

Writer

The Fragility of Want

What is it that carries you?

Want is a fragile thing. There are many (many) things I do not want to do but because of my passion for them I choose to anyway.

I am passionate about a career in the arts so I moved anyway.

I am passionate about making connections with incredible artists that stir and excite me.

I am intensely passionate about collaboratively creating a script that is a combination of my words and theirs.

Passion is clear for me. Desire is solid.

To build upon want will only leave your foundation to crumble when the load gets too heavy.

What I build on is passion – and I am very passionate.

when the haze covers me and I struggle through my lack of want, I hold tightly to passion and desire.

I’m passionate about seeing a greater diversity of people engaging in the arts as audiences, participants, and artists.

I am passionate about creating works that ask people to consider their place in the world, their value, and the value of others.

I am passionate about being challenged and engaged as I work.

I am passionate about reaching out to and connecting with a wide range of artists; and I am passionate about providing a space for marginalized artists to be seen and heard.

I am passionate about art.

And that passion is what carries me.